I invited an old friend to a party after she moved to town. I was happy to welcome her, introduce her to my friends, and help her feel included. She thanked me and said she'd reach out now that she was back.
But I haven't heard from her since.
I've found myself wondering what happened. Did something happen at the party? Why hasn't she reached out? I felt hurt, and honestly, a little angry that the effort hadn't been reciprocated.
I've thought about contacting her. But then there's that part of me that says, *She said she'd reach out. It's her turn.* I can feel the resentment in me wanting to leave it in her hands.
The truth is, I don't know why she hasn't called. There could be a hundred reasons I know nothing about. What I do know is that I've been giving this more of my attention than I want to.
And that brings me to the question I'm sharing with you this Mindful Monday:
Who is carrying the weight?
Notice what you are carrying
Resentment can stir up anger, frustration, hurt, and a whole lot of uncomfortable feelings inside us. Meanwhile, the other person may be going about their day, completely unaware that we're still thinking about what happened. My friend may have no idea I've been carrying any of this.
Holding on to resentment doesn't change what someone said or did. But it can keep the hurt present for us long after the moment has passed.
We wind up carrying the weight of something that already happened.
That can be hard to recognize, especially when the hurt feels justified. We may have a very good reason to feel upset. But it's still worth asking ourselves what continuing to carry it is costing us today.
Forgiveness doesn't make what happened okay
Forgiveness can feel difficult when it seems like we're being asked to excuse someone else's behavior or pretend we weren't hurt.
But that's not what forgiveness has to mean.
It doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean the other person was right or that you were wrong. It can simply mean allowing that experience to be in the past instead of continuing to give it so much of your present.
Maybe there is room to feel a little lighter, a little softer, and a little kinder toward yourself.
You can acknowledge that something hurt and also begin to loosen your hold on it.
How often are you reliving it?
When we hold on to resentment, we can find ourselves reliving the same pain over and over again. Each time we replay the conversation, revisit what happened, or wonder what we should have said or done differently, the resentment gets another opportunity to take up space.
For me, that means noticing when I'm going over the same unanswered questions about my friend.
I don't get a new answer by replaying them. I only get to feel the disappointment again.
Is there something you keep returning to in your mind?
When you revisit it, do you feel any closer to peace? Or does the weight feel a little heavier?
You don't have to judge yourself for the answer. This is simply an invitation to notice.